50, Fabulous and Black… The Reality

Midlife… the period of our lifespan between younger and older adulthood, that has been described as a ‘period of transition’ in women's lives. Let’s face it, as women we are constantly transitioning, and every junction redefines us on every level in some way. I remember the different shifts I went through at each milestone in my life; the transition from being a model to a PR expert; from being a daughter to grieving my mother, from feeling fearless to being a Domestic abuse survivor, from being independent to being a mother. Truthfully the list of transitions is endless and I’ve no doubt that it’s the same for those of you reading this. 

However, turning 50 was unique for me and I’ve learned that consistent fulfilment after age 50 is both a choice, an art, and a science. So much of the process boils down to self-love. Even though everyone loves the idea of loving themselves as they age, not everyone finds it easy and even less so if you are a black female. Issues such as lower self-esteem, more insecurity, and loss of daily passion and purpose seem to come into play when you get past 50. The question is why? 

Most of us were indoctrinated from a very early age with a fear of aging. It also makes sense that we are inundated with advertising to help us look younger, feel younger, or in some way slow down the aging process. We’re told how to age ‘graciously’ and we’re overloaded with stereotypes about what sexiness should look like, what our love lives should be like and how we should dress. That’s on top of learning how to grow and live with the loss we’ve overcome and learned to live with and the scars we’ve gathered. 

Black women have been subjected to racial and gender microaggressions in the workplace for years. By the time we reach 50 the catalogue is a long one and sometimes they culminate. This impacts our stress as we’re fed instant statistics on how Black women in their 50s may have more than triple the risk of stroke compared to white women of the same age; higher anxiety levels, higher cancer levels and the list goes on. 

Black women experience a number of intersectional challenges that may feel as though they have become barriers to aging successfully. This is especially true when you consider stereotypes of the Strong Black Women ideal which makes us feel we’re supposed to be completely wise by the time we hit 50. When was the last time you watched a movie about a Black woman delicately navigating life? The Strong Black Women archetype is an ideal that prescribes that black women naturally develop self-reliance, selflessness, and psychological, emotional, and physical strength. This simply isn’t true, and the pressure involved in trying to achieve this ideal actually impairs our ability to age confidently.

As Black women we experience accelerated biological aging in response to repeated and continued attacks from our many stressors. 

Culturally as Black women we struggle. It’s about getting to know who we are physically, sexually, mentally, spiritually on every level at 50. 

I’ve passed the stage where I despaired over the size 6 that I used to model in because I’ve realised that it’s so important to accept who I am now as opposed to looking backwards and living in the past. Growing older can be synonymous with loss and grief and negative changes.  Looks, loves, parents, homes, jobs. As women, we do lose a lot and believe me I could list to you my losses and the pain and mourning that came with each one. Maybe it is because of the emphasis our culture puts on youth, and maybe it is because there is some truth to those impending limitations.

As women, we all get to a certain age we have lumps and bumps and let’s face it, embracing our bodies can become with time. We notice more lines on our face and the little changes to our hair that leave our locks with less shine and our curls with less bounce than they once had. Our skin loses its elasticity due to reduced collagen production, which began diminishing in our 20s, and our hair thins out because our follicles become less productive. When you put it like that, it sounds pretty awful, but the truth is we gain more than we lose.

There’s still so much to adapt to. Many women find themselves single at 50 having given years to being a wife and mother and trying to discover why they are after the children leave home and . Dating at 50 - where do you begin? 

I’m here to tell you that it’s ok to be sexy if you still feel it. It’s O.K. to meet a new man or reignite your present marriage.

However, you’re never too old to learn how to love yourself – whether you are just past 50 or well into your senior years.

I’ve been navigating this journey and I say don't let the perception or cultural myths of "ageing“ equate to a lack of purpose, feeling irrelevant and under-used, hating the skin you’re in. I say, take control of you and your life. We can’t go back in time, and we can’t change growing older but we each have the power to change how we grow older.

I’ve always believed that women who have self-love have an inner glow, an energy, a certain flair for life that belies their age, experiences, losses, and their social status. They are full of life.

My mother always reminded me that tomorrow is not promised and it’s so true. Reaching 50 is a turning point for most women, but let’s remember it’s also a blessing. A huge blessing. Everything we’ve overcome and endured, everything we’ve gained and gathered (good and bad), the highs and the lows; it’s all a blessing. It’s all a part of this beautiful journey of life.  So, I urge you to consider breaking any negative patterns immediately. It’s a new year and it’s never too late to embrace who you are as an individual and live life to the fullest. 2023 can be the year that you tap into your truth and live your best life in a way that’s authentic to you and where you are.